Finite love.
Artist statement
This series is something very raw for me. I worked through it during a very hard time for myself, and used a heavy topic. This project is intertwined with my inner work and therapy, as the theme of middens, wrapping and hoarding worked as a vessel for me to pour my experiences into.
BPD is something that has affected my life for a long time, and the sad reality is it drives people away quite consistently. Each of these objects I’ve spent time with, embody someone or people I’ve lost to this mental disorder. All of these are quite recent, within the last three years. This made it much easier to remember things more clearly- which was admittedly unpleasant and painful but I feel it was probably better for me than I think.
Loss is something I’ve become very accustomed to, its around me and weighing on me constantly. Most of my past relationships have lasted only 6 months – 2 years, due to my untreated mental disorder. It’s something I don’t see talked about or explored enough is the immense weight of grief from these losses. These people are not dead, they are alive and well but I will never talk with them again. I could catch them in photos, hear about them through the grapevine- but the love, friendship, whatever else is gone. Being left without treatment is harder on those around you, and its something I had to learn later. To be truly too much, is a painful thing to be.
This series is an exploration of this loss I’ve become so familiar with, and the bubble of themes which surround it. I considered and mulled over the pain of the experiences, and it swallowed me whole before I could see deeper into the beauty of these experiences. To remember I did not only lose, I also loved. It isn’t permanent, and I will likely never find permanence, so I continued with capturing the pain and woe, as well as the joy and love in the drawings. Some swayed one way or another but I took care in each section to breath my experiences and feelings into each of these objects.
My series is split into 4. In the unwrapped items I have described how I kept or felt about the object in my home, in one word. In the wrapped images, I labeled them with the first word that came to mind while observing them. In the first set of raw drawings, I labeled them as objects or concepts which I felt most connected with them. In my final set, I found photos of me and these loved ones, or whatever image I felt applicable- and created digital graphics of lights and ghostly overlays to deepen the themes of each work, and more literally represent each. I labeled each of these final edits by what they were to me.
Drawings, enhanced.
After I had my drawings captured, I brought them up one by one into my digital drawing program. I collected old photos of me and whoever was associated with each object, to overlay and create a sort of dreamy memory type of overlay for each. In each of these continued drawings I focused on preserving an honest representation of my memory of the relationship pictured.
Drawings, raw
At this point in my process I decided to take a bit of an impulsive turn- partially caused by a decline in my personal life. I hunkered down in my space and considered in solitude each object. How I felt about it, connected with it- the feelings and journey I’d shared with the ones who gave it to me. I let my materials guide my process a majority of the time. It was a fun and hard few hours, missing and reflecting but also exploring the different materials at my disposal.
Objects, bundled
In my original idea I was going to use red string to connect all of the objects, by keeping a similar style and connecting motif- I morphed this to fit where I landed. So, to fit with my original idea I wrapped them in silk, a very reflective and beautiful fabric, and tied them up with deep red string.
Objects, unwrapped.
These are the images captured and edited during class. Each of these objects were gifts from people I was very close to. I started just picking my most sacred trinkets and items, things kept in boxes for safe keeping or tucked away untouched. I found the common theme between them after I’d wrapped them.
Drawings Prior to Digital Additions
My research is currently incomplete while I’m writing this- but I spent a good while viewing and mulling over the works and topics explored by all the different artists bundling and wrapping their works. Starting out this project I was heavily against it and frustrated in trying to find where it fits in my grander scheme of works I am attempting to cultivate. Looking through all the works though was inspiring, to see and read about the different approaches and meaning behind the works. I hadn’t considered just how much value could be held in an object, and the level of mystery surrounding it.
Work in progress shots
