saravipond – Page 4 – art or whatever

Finite love.

Artist statement

This series is something very raw for me. I worked through it during a very hard time for myself, and used a heavy topic. This project is intertwined with my inner work and therapy, as the theme of middens, wrapping and hoarding worked as a vessel for me to pour my experiences into.

BPD is something that has affected my life for a long time, and the sad reality is it drives people away quite consistently. Each of these objects I’ve spent time with, embody someone or people I’ve lost to this mental disorder. All of these are quite recent, within the last three years. This made it much easier to remember things more clearly- which was admittedly unpleasant and painful but I feel it was probably better for me than I think.

Loss is something I’ve become very accustomed to, its around me and weighing on me constantly. Most of my past relationships have lasted only 6 months – 2 years, due to my untreated mental disorder. It’s something I don’t see talked about or explored enough is the immense weight of grief from these losses. These people are not dead, they are alive and well but I will never talk with them again. I could catch them in photos, hear about them through the grapevine- but the love, friendship, whatever else is gone. Being left without treatment is harder on those around you, and its something I had to learn later. To be truly too much, is a painful thing to be.

This series is an exploration of this loss I’ve become so familiar with, and the bubble of themes which surround it. I considered and mulled over the pain of the experiences, and it swallowed me whole before I could see deeper into the beauty of these experiences. To remember I did not only lose, I also loved. It isn’t permanent, and I will likely never find permanence, so I continued with capturing the pain and woe, as well as the joy and love in the drawings. Some swayed one way or another but I took care in each section to breath my experiences and feelings into each of these objects.

My series is split into 4. In the unwrapped items I have described how I kept or felt about the object in my home, in one word. In the wrapped images, I labeled them with the first word that came to mind while observing them. In the first set of raw drawings, I labeled them as objects or concepts which I felt most connected with them. In my final set, I found photos of me and these loved ones, or whatever image I felt applicable- and created digital graphics of lights and ghostly overlays to deepen the themes of each work, and more literally represent each. I labeled each of these final edits by what they were to me.

Drawings, enhanced.

After I had my drawings captured, I brought them up one by one into my digital drawing program. I collected old photos of me and whoever was associated with each object, to overlay and create a sort of dreamy memory type of overlay for each. In each of these continued drawings I focused on preserving an honest representation of my memory of the relationship pictured.

Drawings, raw

At this point in my process I decided to take a bit of an impulsive turn- partially caused by a decline in my personal life. I hunkered down in my space and considered in solitude each object. How I felt about it, connected with it- the feelings and journey I’d shared with the ones who gave it to me. I let my materials guide my process a majority of the time. It was a fun and hard few hours, missing and reflecting but also exploring the different materials at my disposal.

Objects, bundled

In my original idea I was going to use red string to connect all of the objects, by keeping a similar style and connecting motif- I morphed this to fit where I landed. So, to fit with my original idea I wrapped them in silk, a very reflective and beautiful fabric, and tied them up with deep red string.

Objects, unwrapped.

These are the images captured and edited during class. Each of these objects were gifts from people I was very close to. I started just picking my most sacred trinkets and items, things kept in boxes for safe keeping or tucked away untouched. I found the common theme between them after I’d wrapped them.

Drawings Prior to Digital Additions

My research is currently incomplete while I’m writing this- but I spent a good while viewing and mulling over the works and topics explored by all the different artists bundling and wrapping their works. Starting out this project I was heavily against it and frustrated in trying to find where it fits in my grander scheme of works I am attempting to cultivate. Looking through all the works though was inspiring, to see and read about the different approaches and meaning behind the works. I hadn’t considered just how much value could be held in an object, and the level of mystery surrounding it.

Work in progress shots

August 3, 2020November 4, 2023

FIN 210 Unit 1

idea wall v2

WK#5 Exquisite Corpse Drawings

For these two drawings I wanted to incorporate a larger sense of play than my recent works have has.. I wanted to try some usual and unexpected subjects- while still exploring the themes of body horror and abstracted feelings I have been exploring in my personal work. I completed them back to back, in a single session. I felt I was successful in my intentions for the work as I got to experiment and play, and find some ways to try to bring some more of my silly side and personality to lighten and enrich my future works- hopefully.

WK 4, Generative sustained drawings

These 2 works are something that were a very intriguing idea and breakthrough for me as a more accessible way to experiment with traditional media’s textures, patterns and buildability as well as unpredictability without so many of the usual hassles and challenges I face working with chalk and charcoal and pencils- by transferring as a closely as possible a traditional media practice to a digital medium. I researched and purchased some digital brush tools designed by artists. I, as much as possible, kept to using my digital tools with the same restraints I would find myself having if it were a real tool- So no undo button, and no magic fill tools.. Aside from the very end where I would play a little if I wanted to try adding different finishing touches.

WK #4, In Class Drawing

This was our class with Genevieve Johnson, I thoroughly enjoyed this class because it connected with my heavily sensory way of navigating life, my creative process and thoughts. It was a very refreshing experience to foster the physicality of art as well as the collaborative element of interacting with my peers as well. It was an utterly inspiring class and left me with much to consider and much to add to my artistic process.

The below drawing is from when everyone was standing and interacting with the long crochet, patchwork cardigan- It was a very freeing exercise to use such bright colors with such confidence and energy as I was inspired by the energized movements of everyone hoisting the fabric. it is upside down. im not fixing it <3

WK #3, In-Situ Drawing Exercise (unfinished)

layered drawing from film

sketches – location

I enjoyed the in situ drawing exercise as it was a fun and casual way to get out of my environment a well as learn new skills- and it did remind me of being in middle and high school doodling in my notes during class which was a little nostalgic 🙂

WK #3, Model Studies

I found this model study session especially explorative as I attempted drawing with left and right hand simultaneously- it was an interesting way to build the hand eye co-ordination and remove some of the muscle memory from the equation for freer and more energetic figures. I found the exercise in laying as the model moves to be challenging but a fun exercise- I could see myself using layering to convey motion in a different piece but perhaps with a little more time and polish.

Side note I also really enjoyed the ink figure with transparencies I felt that was very successful

WK #2, Take Home Assignments

for this assignment our theme was ‘What It Is To Be Human’

This was the first assignment that implemented my ideas, and as its far easier than my newer expanded board to see how on a smaller scale it works in connection to the work. In my brainstorming I found the two largest things that came to my mind when considering the topic. In these two pieces I also found my interest in some more intimate works. I think in the future I would like to find more detail in the works, as these were a bit crunched for time as well as I think some finer more intricate materials may be an order though some of the expression of the clunkier tools does add some interest and texture.

Idea Wall, V 1

This is a less than sophisticated capture of my first versions and building of my idea wall, which has been at the core of my current creative process. This semester I really wanted to build and work on things I haven’t been attending to, and capturing brainstorming has always been one. I had many small sketches and ideas, poems and song lyrics and whatever other written blurbs I thought fit. This mind map, string maze cork board style has been the perfect way for me to explore a core them while weaving in additions from classes, my personal interests and my outside life to help me create a more unified collection of work across the different mediums and subjects I work with. The core themes of internal humanity and self, as well as the overall human condition- of which most if not all other ideas I’m interested in working with weave into. I look forward to continuing to grow and expand this brainstorming project.